I've been thinking about our fundraiser goal ever since the day I made it. It just doesn't sit right with me. I even tried to justify how low I'd set it by writing this blog post last week, hoping my logic would make me feel better, but it hasn't, and now I know why: it wasn't logic at all. It was fear.
Here's the truth: I'm afraid that I'm going to look like a failure if we don't meet our goal. That it'll be seen as my fault if we fall short. I have a tendency to take responsibility for things I shouldn't, and that tendency is screaming loud and clear right now. It's a pride thing, and a fear thing, a lack of faith thing, and honestly, a perspective thing--because I'm forgetting that I'm not in charge of this fundraiser, God is, and if we don't reach our goal it's because He has a different plan. To try to take responsibility for it myself is to try to take it out of His hands, and it's a heck of a lot more likely to succeed in His hands than mine. All I can do is what He asked me to do, and do it to the best of my ability.
Which is why every day that passes with $10,700 listed as our goal makes me feel like a bigger fool.
So, I changed it. Our goal is now what it should have been all along: the entire cost of Sandi's treatment, plus 7% to cover GiveForward's fees.
And finally, I'm at peace.