Saturday, October 29, 2011

Oh me of little faith

I've been thinking about our fundraiser goal ever since the day I made it. It just doesn't sit right with me. I even tried to justify how low I'd set it by writing this blog post last week, hoping my logic would make me feel better, but it hasn't, and now I know why: it wasn't logic at all. It was fear.

Here's the truth: I'm afraid that I'm going to look like a failure if we don't meet our goal. That it'll be seen as my fault if we fall short. I have a tendency to take responsibility for things I shouldn't, and that tendency is screaming loud and clear right now. It's a pride thing, and a fear thing, a lack of faith thing, and honestly, a perspective thing--because I'm forgetting that I'm not in charge of this fundraiser, God is, and if we don't reach our goal it's because He has a different plan. To try to take responsibility for it myself is to try to take it out of His hands, and it's a heck of a lot more likely to succeed in His hands than mine. All I can do is what He asked me to do, and do it to the best of my ability.

Which is why every day that passes with $10,700 listed as our goal makes me feel like a bigger fool.

So, I changed it. Our goal is now what it should have been all along: the entire cost of Sandi's treatment, plus 7% to cover GiveForward's fees.

And finally, I'm at peace.


  1. I love your honesty and your heart to serve your friend in humility. Love you, Alison!

  2. Sweet Alison. I needed to hear this too! As I'm struggling with this stinkin' cancer, it's so hard to let go and let God. Thank you for your honesty and for all you are doing! You're such a blessing to me and my family. xxx